The three things that matter
Almost everything else is noise.
- They would be a little disappointed if you gave up. Not angry. Disappointed is the useful emotion here.
- They will not be hurt by saying no to you, and you will not punish them for it.
- They check their phone. A thoughtful person who reads messages twice a day is a worse Keyholder than a scattered one who reads them constantly.
Why your closest person is often the wrong one
The most common choice is a partner, and it is the choice most likely to go wrong. Somebody sharing a bed with you at 11pm has a strong reason to end the conversation by saying yes.
It works when the two of you have talked about it as a shared arrangement rather than a favour. It fails when saying no to an unlock request starts to feel like a comment on the relationship. If you can imagine that happening, pick a sibling or a friend.
The best default is a sibling or an old friend
Somebody who likes you, does not live with you, and finds the whole thing mildly funny. They are not tired of you, they are not negotiating anything with you at midnight, and being asked costs them a few seconds a week.
It should be somebody you would be a bit embarrassed to ask twice in one evening. That embarrassment is not a side effect. It is the product.
When there is nobody
Plenty of people do not have somebody suitable, or are not ready to ask. That is a normal position to be in and it is worth saying rather than glossing over.
Blocking on a schedule still works on its own, without anybody holding the key. It just does not have the second half. You can set it up now and add a person later, and it is easier to ask somebody once you can show them what you have already been doing than to ask in the abstract.
How to ask
Short, specific, and with the cost stated up front. Something close to: I am blocking a few apps in the evenings and I cannot unblock them myself. Would you be the person who decides? It is a couple of taps a week and it is free for you.
Say that they are allowed to say no to your requests, and mean it. A Keyholder who thinks their job is to approve is not a Keyholder.
Common questions
What if they say no to being asked?
That is a normal answer and not a verdict on you. Blocking still works without a Keyholder; you can ask somebody else later.
Can two people hold each other's keys?
In Warden, yes. They are two separate arrangements that happen to point at each other, and approving one does nothing to the other. Be aware that mutual arrangements tend to soften over time, because you both know you will be asking next week.
Can I change my Keyholder?
Yes, but not instantly. In Warden a change takes 24 hours, blocking stays on throughout, and the current Keyholder is told. Otherwise changing Keyholder would just be an unlock button with extra steps.